this is exclusively for LJ Idol so don't cry or

Hey, my name is Cameron. Here's a LiveJournal, you bastards.

I've been a writer since I could breathe and have been writing "professionally" (aka have had an account on Fanfiction and once I got a piece published in a journal) since 2011. I heard about LJ Idol about a few months ago through different people though tbh I think they might have been different contests but oh well. If you want to see my work a lot of it is here and it is fanfiction so enter at your own cringing risk.

Basically I thought I'd enter this because I was a great writer (I say that now but if experience writing tells you anything it's that as each year goes by you FUCKING HATE the year before you) but this year I had a brain tumor discovered that was cancerous. I had holy-goddamn-this-bitch-gon-die emergency brain surgery just over a month ago and have had chemo since then. This is a relapse of lymphoma that I had this year in my chest after barely a three month wait, or it was just unnoticed, I honestly have zero clue.

I am mixed about this. On one hand I am cool being frank about it and joking about it- call it a coping mechanism I guess. On the other hand, it does get me to stare sullenly at the wall and mourn being good at things. Really my right hand is being an unholy little terror SHITHEAD and I am primarily typing via my left hand. I figured this would be the brunt of things, but I tried writing fiction awhile ago and... it was not easy. It was probably not that good either, and people noticed.

So why am I entering this now? Basically, for practice. If I get accepted, and I don't know if that is possible let's be real, I wanna learn how to write again. Basically everything comes through practice. When I got out of surgery I had to practice being upright again, because I couldn't walk for shit, but I did it. I had to practice being out and about and though I may have tripped on my shoelaces at a Target or two I managed to make it. Even my right hand I'm practicing on- handwriting is insanely painful and it looks like dog shit but I'm learning to write again in a quasi-legible manner. I was shit at video games and paid 21 bucks to kill myself at Melee at a Gaming Expo, but I got better. That's what I have had to do- practice shit and get better at it.

The one thing I want to do, though, is write again. It's what I was great at. It's what I based my degree on, for God's sake. I mean, if I can't write fiction without my brain hurting and it turning out like amateur hour, what the hell am I gonna do, work at Arby's and hate my life? I want the avenue and the encouragement to practice and try. I need that. I don't need your pity for my condition or a participation ribbon. I don't need a medal for just living my life. I need to try.

That's my pitch. Let me try. Let me practice. And if I fall, let me trip on my own shoelaces- at least I ran.

Hoping I can get in. If not I'll probably make this a blog about cancer and shit like my mother tells me or something.

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